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The Holiday Blues, the Good and the Bad
Emotional conflicts
are reactivated by the
visits to your family.
These disturbing feelings begin before you go (to "dread" is a strong
word) and linger on. The
outside events surrounding your visit "home" for the holidays affect
your mood. For instance, your schedule and level of activity is changed
and you eat different food and sleep in a different bed. More is
involved. Inner and unconscious forces are also at work.
By unconscious, I mean what is
part of your inner
(psychological) world that is forgotten or inaccessible to your
awareness (as it is related to your personal history). The unconscious
also includes that part of your mind that you are born with (a
collective part of ourselves). Not knowing you personally, I cannot tell
you exactly what your unconscious is communicating to you and bringing
to your attention. However,
the negative feelings you are experiencing-depression and anger- may
very well be allies in that they link you to your unconscious. Jung said
that "all psychological phenomena" have some "...sense of purpose
inherent in them, even merely reactive phenomena like emotional
reactions." When you are at the "mercy of demons in the dungeon of
despair" or anger, "your inner world is demanding a hearing."
Something goes wrong during your annual visit to your family.
Your emotional reaction is an attempt at correcting what goes
wrong.
It is usually during the holidays
that we are reunited with our families.
Sometimes old patterns of interaction are repeated. A father will
order his adult child as he did when she was little. At other times, and
often at the same time, old emotional conflicts that are not resolved
and stand in the way or the person's current development. The emotional
reaction is the result of that difficulty.
Let me give you an example.
A woman in mid-life complains that she feels criticized when she
gets together with her relatives. Whether they do or not is irrelevant
at this point. The fact is that she experiences criticism.
She is a very nurturing and has a most positive outlook on
people. As a matter of fact she is too nurturing of others in the sense
that she neglects parts of herself that need to be tended to. She is at
a time of her life where she needs to come to terms with that neglected
part of herself (a side who could be critical and discriminating of who
to be nurturing to). It is intolerable to her to face a part of herself
she considers selfish. No one would love her anymore perhaps! She sees
the critical part of herself in others and as directed towards her. And
now she has to deal with that.
Ask yourself: how is my
emotional reaction affecting me? How am I behaving differently? What is
this reaction had a grain of truth about myself that I need to confront
but am afraid to own? (it could be a positive or a negative attribute).
Individual and Couple Psychotherapy
Licensed Psychologist
Diploma Candidate, CG Jung Institut, Zurich, CH
503 699 1664
Near I5: Capitol PCC Sylvania
exit or Hwy 217 exit |